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She said “It’s massive”. He said “How many feet?” She said “None. It’s a fucking snake, mate!”I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morley high school.“Yes. Yes, I did. Go the blue, white and red!” he gleamed with pride.“When did you graduate?” I asked.“In 1975” He answered “Why do you ask?”“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-arsed, grey-haired, decrepit son-of-a-birch asked “Oh Really? What did. Trust me.”“A skull fracture and a broken wrist from a bad fall were more than enough for me. Shall we get started?”“Absolutely!” he replied.He said something in Japanese to the two men, and after exchanging bows, the managing director disappeared and the three of us left began walking to the part of the office where the videoconferencing computer was set up.“They wish to take you to dinner tonight,” Keith said.“I have a guest with me.”“Male or female?”“Female.”He shook his head, “It’s not even in the realm of possibilities to have a woman at dinner with you.”I nodded, “I know the drill. How rude would it be to refuse?”“Extremely. But, being a foreigner, they’ll cut you a bit of slack. The problem is that you demonstrated just enough knowledge of Japan to know that a refusal is an insult. And they’ll know you know.”“So I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of me,” I said. “Beautiful. OK. I know my guest will understand. She’s about as traditionally Japanese as they come.”“Someone.
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